Dating dilemma

This is exactly the predicament I find myself in now. I met someone when I felt happy and confident and beautiful. Then came the flare up from hell and the decision to go the natural route. I had plenty of time until I would see him again and was confident by then I would have it all under control. The reality has been a much slower process than I imagined and I now have one week. The psoriasis is all over me, and even where it has cleared there is a speckled mess of white spots on tanned skin. Surprisingly this isn’t the biggest issue for me. I feel different. I can’t look in the mirror without my eyes stinging with tears. I’m angry with myself for being vain and I’m angry with my body for looking the way it does.

The two versions of me couldn’t be more different. The happy, bubbly, fun girl with her carefree outlook and clear skin. I know I can fake being that girl, I do it everyday when my skin is bad. But, I’m tired. Tired of being frustrated, tired of going out and pretending it doesn’t matter, tired of being positive, tired of talking about diet and fish oils and naturopaths. And above all I’m tired of letting more people into my life I have to fake it for.

Psoriasis & Dating

Psoriasis and dating. A heart palpitating duo. As much as the thought of inviting someone new into my life, and bed, might be distressing…the reality has always been complete support and understanding. I’ve never met anyone it has (openly) bothered.

So why do I let it hold me back if it has never been an issue? The key factor for me is how my skin looks when I first meet someone.

Let me explain.
My skin is bad, I’m aware of it, I know other people can see it, and I meet someone. From the get go I know they know and it’s only a matter of time until we discuss it and that’s the end of it. Then when my skin improves it’s a bonus for both of us!
Alternately there’s my most hated scenario. My skin is looking amazing, I hardly notice it and I’m confident and happy. I meet someone. We don’t discuss it because it’s not even an issue, and then I have a flare up. We could be a couple of months into the dating at this stage. This shouldn’t be a problem you might be thinking, by now we like each other and it’s obvious I haven’t fallen for someone shallow or ignorant. So the problem is completely my own. The truth is I feel like I’ve tricked that person. They met a beautiful, confident girl and whilst they might still think I look beautiful, I don’t.